What kind of parents do we want to be?

Not long ago, T noted how I play games a lot.  Well, yes.. and I always have.  This bothered her.. not that I play games, but the frequency of it in relation to other things I do.  She wonders what example(s) Lily will take from us.  Certainly, technology has made a number of things easier to access than when I was a child, but some things have been and always will be readily available.  The point was a good one, and it got me thinking:

Just what kind of parent do I want to be?

Now there's a loaded question.  A thought that prompts all sorts of lofty goals and ideals, of expectations and the chances to fall short of them.  A thought of 'I know who I don't want to be' or 'what I don't want to be', but, for the sake of our daughter, what do I want to see happen for her? Also, note, not 'what I want her to do' so much as 'what I want her to have the access to explore if she wishes to'.

Lily is our only child (for now, at least), and she has only been with us for a couple months now, but that time has flown quickly.. and I'm told it will continue to do so.  With what we've seen so far, the evidence is all too easy to see.  So.. we had better start figuring out what kind of parents we want to be.  What ideas and ideals we hope to impart, what goals are good to set even if they're not always attainable, etc.  How do we want to be perceived?  What do I want her to see us reaching out for?  What will she show us she wants to reach out for?

I do like to read, though lately I haven't read a whole lot.  Many are the reasons (i.e. excuses) but a simple fact remains that with the time I have, I more readily pick up a game than pick up a book or even a magazine.  Games aren't inherently bad, but do I hope the first thing Lily will reach for is a game?  If it's educational?  Sure!  What can be better than mixing the desire to learn with the desire to find enjoyment in the process?  That, I fear, will only last so far and for so long.  All her friends will have a variety of games, and I can't predict what the contents of each will be.  The standard, of course, will need to be set in the home.  I know we'll be reading her stories and encouraging her to try to sound out words, to complete paragraphs.. and in two different languages, at that.

Reading, though, isn't all we want her to embrace.  In 5 years it may well be the main way to get new books could be on the Kindle(-like devices), but there are other ways to explore the world around us.  There are many ways that T and I mesh well.. and some where we plainly differ.  This is not really a bad thing, it's just something to acknowledge.. and in this way, it is something that is helpful for child development (in my 2-months-of-being-a-parent expert opinion).

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- Craft-making: I'm terrible at this.. and T is really embracing it.  I'm grateful, really.  I haven't the inclination (nor, I feel, the aptitude) to get into crafts, envisioning the results and making them happen.  I can't wait to see what she creates.. what they create.  I imagine our home is going to be decorated in far too much cuteness for me to stand.  I'll learn to live with it. ;)

- Music: We have different taste in music, but a difference is I grew up playing it, too.  Once upon a time, when I was a church goer, I was in the children's choir (you laugh, but they thought I could sing... the fools).  I played brass instruments from 4th-10th grade, and have recently rekindled my desire to pick up a trumpet and play again.  I also get very into the music I know, and have a habit of pulling lyrics from songs when a statement/situation comes up that brings the lyrics to mind.  Let's pretend this is an endearing quality for my sake, shall we?  Whatever the instrument (be it vocal, percussion, brass, woodwind, uses 4-6+ strings or 88 keys), I admit to hoping she'll take up a love of listening to and making music alike.  To that end, I very much plan to have a trumpet soon.. let there be music.

- Movies: Now, I enjoy flicks here and there, but I defer to T entirely when it comes to movies.  Be it the genre, the style of it, the making of it, the sound and lighting, the actor's presence or dialogue, this is T's baby and her love for movies far, far(, faaaar) exceeds mine.  Perhaps Lily will take to the silver screen in ways we can't yet picture.  Regardless, T will be able to share details about how movies came to be, the differences in film and presentation, how sound was incorporated, and more.. and if Lily embraces it, I look forward to seeing what she makes of the world of visual imagination.

- Photography: Ok, I admit, the bulk of my imagery these days is centered around Lily.. or the food I'm making.  T has a better eye for little details in imagery. My eye for things beyond baby and food will branch out more, I'm certain, but that is likely to be related to doing more with Lily than staying home or taking walks.  Stepping through a park, the beach, Manhattan, the deck of a boat, or watching her do whatever a little girl wants to do will bring ample opportunity to take photos and share what we saw with our eye one day.  Perhaps she'll want to work with actual film and learn the ins and outs of a dark room.  Or she'll be a photoshop queen with digital works.  Who knows, maybe she'll want to photograph stars and planets, taking up astrology and cosmology.  The sky isn't even the limit here, it's more like 'part of the canvas'.  How will we help her see it?

- The great outdoors: I grew up with camping in the Boy Scouts, and my parents were both very supportive.  Nowadays, we are still able to do some camping with the Russian family/friends to various events during the year, so the opportunity will still be there.  I can't wait to teach her how to make a fire, to pitch a tent, to hike through nature and take care of your feet, to clean up a site and leave it better than you found it.  Maybe she'll want to go spelunking underground, or cliff climbing or.. or.. whew.  There are so many things out there.  Above or under the water, the world is amazing and I hope she sees she can embrace it if that suits her.

- Sports: T has long has a love for ice skating and the dance/artistry that goes with it.  She's said more than once that she can't wait to get her rollerblading and ice skating.  It's something I'll have to learn to do so I can do it 'with the family'.  Much the same, I grew up swimming and playing soccer.  When T recently said "just think, some day soon you'll be teaching her how to swim" I melted into a puddle.  It's true, though.  I want to make sure she can swim.. or gets a chance to swing a bat at a ball.. or can dance on ice or the floor as her whim takes her.. or can make a layup.. or .. or..

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The possibilities seem endless for now. I mean, these are just the things that come quickly to mind.  Maybe she'll want to be an actor in theater.  Or want to write poetry.  Or horror films.  Or learn how to build her own desktop computer.  Or write her own iPhone apps.  Or build bookshelves and other things with her hands.  Or do swing dancing.  Or become a chef and create her own culinary delights.

Where will the ideas come from?  What will she see her friends doing, her teachers doing, her parents doing?  We can only control so much.  What kind of parents do we hope she sees?  Do we even know what she's absorbed until she starts to show us the things she wants to explore? 

I guess we can revisit this in 10-20 years and see what it is she's sought out and wanted to learn more about.  For now, we'll sow what seeds we can and see where imagination takes her.

And I'm picking up the trumpet, and learning more Russian, and reading parenting magazines, and maybe I'll finish that Erik Larson book about the Dodds in Berlin, too.  I admit, I hope I end up one of her role models.. but that means I can't just sit playing games because it's convenient and fun, I should be looking to enjoy the other things the world has to offer as well.