Rise and Fall

It has been forever since we've chimed in here. Crazy talk, I know!

We had a photo shoot at the end of September, with some gorgeous results. I just melt for some of these shots.

 

Lily is just about the sweetest thing one can imagine. But as you might imagine, there are both big ups and downs. She's well progressed past crawling, climbing to her feet, or walking while holding on to things. These days, she stepstepsteps everywhere, sometimes picking up a good head of steam. It's so great to watch (even though I know it'll soon be running and I'll be chasing). Sometimes, though, she's the one giving chase.. the cats are learning to watch out. Or, in some cases, play patty-cake.

What's not so great is watching her pick up her pace.. but not do a great job picking up her feet. The idea of a flat surface and traction is nowhere near our little munchkin's head, so books, toys, anything in the way.. she steps on or trips over. Faceplant from your kiddo is one surefire way to make you cringe and want to rush to make it all better, but we're trying to get her to see she can pick herself up and be ok after a fall (aside from the ugly ones). It's heart-wrenching but we're getting there.

We recently had a pretty big snowstorm hit the NE. It was worse for those between here and Boston, but we still got a good bit of snow. LilyMonster was dressed up for the cold and we took her out to see it. Let's just say she was unimpressed. Cold, wet, sticky fluffy stuff? It's just not her idea of a fun time. We'll see if it grows on her.

As we tried to get some cute pics of her as she sees snow for the first time, Mommy was holding the camera while I sprinkled some fluffy stuff down onto Lily.. only to have her look up and get quite the shock. Oh, the tears from that one!

This really is quite an adventure.. and I'd not trade it for anything. Though I might play tug-o-war for it.

D

Travel

The sense of dread I had as we anticipated our recent travel was something I'd not experienced for a long time. Setting aside the financial components, the laundry list is still quite long.

• Is Lily going to scream on the plane?
• Is she going to get hungry or need a diaper change?
• What if we're delayed, out on the tarmac where no one can get out and she's howling?
• What if there are problems with ascent or descent? I mean, I think it'll be fine, but.. what if.. 
• What if there are weather problems and we're diverted to Indianapolis, or Milwaukee, or don't even get past Cleveland?
• What if we lose any of the luggage?
• What if toys won't console her and she won't sleep?

.. and that's just getting started.  The plane?  The car rental?  Chicago traffic?  NYC cabs to and from the airport?  Oh geez.

Now, to be fair, T had a lot of great prep done, making certain we had everything we needed.  Double, then triple checking it.  But there's still that nagging feeling that won't go away.  I tried to take it easy, knowing a metric *#$@ ton of things were entirely out of my control and we'd just have to make the best of whatever situations came up, but some things are just not easy to let go of. 

All that said, is it wrong of me to be proud of our little pumpkin?  I don't think it could have gone more smoothly for the flights, and while she was fussy at times during the driving.. let's be fair, we spent a lot of time (day after day after day) driving to do all the things we wanted to do.  Outside of the days we stayed mostly in and didn't do much, virtually every day we spent at least 2 hours in the car driving.  One of them we spent at least 5 hours driving, when we went up to visit family in WI.  

She's a trooper, and I think we got really, really (, reaaaaaaaaally) lucky with our little girl. 

I'm still amazed, day in and day out.  

What kind of parents do we want to be?

Not long ago, T noted how I play games a lot.  Well, yes.. and I always have.  This bothered her.. not that I play games, but the frequency of it in relation to other things I do.  She wonders what example(s) Lily will take from us.  Certainly, technology has made a number of things easier to access than when I was a child, but some things have been and always will be readily available.  The point was a good one, and it got me thinking:

Just what kind of parent do I want to be?

Now there's a loaded question.  A thought that prompts all sorts of lofty goals and ideals, of expectations and the chances to fall short of them.  A thought of 'I know who I don't want to be' or 'what I don't want to be', but, for the sake of our daughter, what do I want to see happen for her? Also, note, not 'what I want her to do' so much as 'what I want her to have the access to explore if she wishes to'.

Lily is our only child (for now, at least), and she has only been with us for a couple months now, but that time has flown quickly.. and I'm told it will continue to do so.  With what we've seen so far, the evidence is all too easy to see.  So.. we had better start figuring out what kind of parents we want to be.  What ideas and ideals we hope to impart, what goals are good to set even if they're not always attainable, etc.  How do we want to be perceived?  What do I want her to see us reaching out for?  What will she show us she wants to reach out for?

I do like to read, though lately I haven't read a whole lot.  Many are the reasons (i.e. excuses) but a simple fact remains that with the time I have, I more readily pick up a game than pick up a book or even a magazine.  Games aren't inherently bad, but do I hope the first thing Lily will reach for is a game?  If it's educational?  Sure!  What can be better than mixing the desire to learn with the desire to find enjoyment in the process?  That, I fear, will only last so far and for so long.  All her friends will have a variety of games, and I can't predict what the contents of each will be.  The standard, of course, will need to be set in the home.  I know we'll be reading her stories and encouraging her to try to sound out words, to complete paragraphs.. and in two different languages, at that.

Reading, though, isn't all we want her to embrace.  In 5 years it may well be the main way to get new books could be on the Kindle(-like devices), but there are other ways to explore the world around us.  There are many ways that T and I mesh well.. and some where we plainly differ.  This is not really a bad thing, it's just something to acknowledge.. and in this way, it is something that is helpful for child development (in my 2-months-of-being-a-parent expert opinion).

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

- Craft-making: I'm terrible at this.. and T is really embracing it.  I'm grateful, really.  I haven't the inclination (nor, I feel, the aptitude) to get into crafts, envisioning the results and making them happen.  I can't wait to see what she creates.. what they create.  I imagine our home is going to be decorated in far too much cuteness for me to stand.  I'll learn to live with it. ;)

- Music: We have different taste in music, but a difference is I grew up playing it, too.  Once upon a time, when I was a church goer, I was in the children's choir (you laugh, but they thought I could sing... the fools).  I played brass instruments from 4th-10th grade, and have recently rekindled my desire to pick up a trumpet and play again.  I also get very into the music I know, and have a habit of pulling lyrics from songs when a statement/situation comes up that brings the lyrics to mind.  Let's pretend this is an endearing quality for my sake, shall we?  Whatever the instrument (be it vocal, percussion, brass, woodwind, uses 4-6+ strings or 88 keys), I admit to hoping she'll take up a love of listening to and making music alike.  To that end, I very much plan to have a trumpet soon.. let there be music.

- Movies: Now, I enjoy flicks here and there, but I defer to T entirely when it comes to movies.  Be it the genre, the style of it, the making of it, the sound and lighting, the actor's presence or dialogue, this is T's baby and her love for movies far, far(, faaaar) exceeds mine.  Perhaps Lily will take to the silver screen in ways we can't yet picture.  Regardless, T will be able to share details about how movies came to be, the differences in film and presentation, how sound was incorporated, and more.. and if Lily embraces it, I look forward to seeing what she makes of the world of visual imagination.

- Photography: Ok, I admit, the bulk of my imagery these days is centered around Lily.. or the food I'm making.  T has a better eye for little details in imagery. My eye for things beyond baby and food will branch out more, I'm certain, but that is likely to be related to doing more with Lily than staying home or taking walks.  Stepping through a park, the beach, Manhattan, the deck of a boat, or watching her do whatever a little girl wants to do will bring ample opportunity to take photos and share what we saw with our eye one day.  Perhaps she'll want to work with actual film and learn the ins and outs of a dark room.  Or she'll be a photoshop queen with digital works.  Who knows, maybe she'll want to photograph stars and planets, taking up astrology and cosmology.  The sky isn't even the limit here, it's more like 'part of the canvas'.  How will we help her see it?

- The great outdoors: I grew up with camping in the Boy Scouts, and my parents were both very supportive.  Nowadays, we are still able to do some camping with the Russian family/friends to various events during the year, so the opportunity will still be there.  I can't wait to teach her how to make a fire, to pitch a tent, to hike through nature and take care of your feet, to clean up a site and leave it better than you found it.  Maybe she'll want to go spelunking underground, or cliff climbing or.. or.. whew.  There are so many things out there.  Above or under the water, the world is amazing and I hope she sees she can embrace it if that suits her.

- Sports: T has long has a love for ice skating and the dance/artistry that goes with it.  She's said more than once that she can't wait to get her rollerblading and ice skating.  It's something I'll have to learn to do so I can do it 'with the family'.  Much the same, I grew up swimming and playing soccer.  When T recently said "just think, some day soon you'll be teaching her how to swim" I melted into a puddle.  It's true, though.  I want to make sure she can swim.. or gets a chance to swing a bat at a ball.. or can dance on ice or the floor as her whim takes her.. or can make a layup.. or .. or..

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

The possibilities seem endless for now. I mean, these are just the things that come quickly to mind.  Maybe she'll want to be an actor in theater.  Or want to write poetry.  Or horror films.  Or learn how to build her own desktop computer.  Or write her own iPhone apps.  Or build bookshelves and other things with her hands.  Or do swing dancing.  Or become a chef and create her own culinary delights.

Where will the ideas come from?  What will she see her friends doing, her teachers doing, her parents doing?  We can only control so much.  What kind of parents do we hope she sees?  Do we even know what she's absorbed until she starts to show us the things she wants to explore? 

I guess we can revisit this in 10-20 years and see what it is she's sought out and wanted to learn more about.  For now, we'll sow what seeds we can and see where imagination takes her.

And I'm picking up the trumpet, and learning more Russian, and reading parenting magazines, and maybe I'll finish that Erik Larson book about the Dodds in Berlin, too.  I admit, I hope I end up one of her role models.. but that means I can't just sit playing games because it's convenient and fun, I should be looking to enjoy the other things the world has to offer as well.

Animal Planet at our house.

Those who know our little family have most likely met or at least heard of our kitties.   If you haven't, here is a brief introduction:

Our old girl - 14-year-old Tasha                                  Sweet but quite frankly "dumb" 9-year-old Kasey

                                           2-year old brother and sister Max (left) and Mikki (right)

Ok, so pleasantries out of the way, it's fair to say that it can be a mad house here especially when the cats are hungry or on a daily energy-high.

When we first got pregnant and announced it I got a lot of sweet wishes and congratulations.  Along with those warm thoughts I have been "punched" with "What are you going to do with your cats?" question.   Now I must say that I was warned about it and tried to prepare for it but it still irritated me to no end.  "What do you mean what I am going to do with them?  Make cat-stew?"

It seems like some people assume that once children enter the picture there is no place for animals; animals are dangerous, animals cause allergies or new parents can't handle both.  Whatever the reason, the question about our cats kept coming up and making me nearly draw blood from biting my tongue.

(Note to some: if you want to check how much of self-control a pregnant woman has - ask said pregnant woman, who is full of raging hormones, what she plans to do with her beloved animal(s) once the baby arrives.  Level of self-control is ranged on a scale of how much her response hurts you :) )

Now neither D nor I were dismissing all possibilities of cats + baby scenarios and took quite a few steps in preparing for our cats' new roommate arrangement.  Some things, though, we can't really do much for. Like, how were they going to react to the new arrival?  I read a few horror stories and what scared me the most was the possibility of any of them being aggressive toward the baby. They all have their own personalities, so what were we in for?

Let's go straight to the happy ending (so far):

• Tasha, old girl that she is, prefers to be left alone.. just like every other visitor. So this one is staying longer... big deal. She opts to ignore the baby until Lily cries.. and then she runs for it (the door, that is, not the baby).
• Kasey remains oblivious as always. She's consistent.. we can really count on her for this. 
• Max.. well, at first, I wasn't sure if he was more curious or more scared of the new addition. Now he either takes over her crib for himself when she's not in it, or takes a whiff of her and keeps on moving. He's curious, but mostly apathetic. 
• Mikki is the most adventurous and nosy.. just like always. Luckily, her klutzy ways have been a moot point. She gets up close, smells.. and either cuddles up with Mommy or looks for something more interesting. Now that the space closest to Mommy is taken up by Lily, Mikki adjust and finds a new place to lie to immobilize Mommy even further.. and sometimes she takes on her own KittyRelocationProject. 

We'll see how things change as soon as Lily starts grabbing at things. Cat tails, beware! Hopefully we won't find (too many) patches of cat hair clumped on the floor with fresh bald spots on the little darlings.

Now I want to share our expectations and steps we took in preparation states of our little Lily's arrival.

Expectation: Cats will be a problem in the crib/swing/bouncers/stroller/changing table.
Step(s) taken: We'll find a way to keep the cats out of the bedroom.. and even when they get in the room, we'll put foil on the edge of the crib walls. That'll be unpleasant enough and we'll have no cat issues in the crib. In fact, we'll put it everywhere. The stuff worked, right?
Reality: HAH. Only one cat gets in the crib, Max, but he does so when he damn well pleases.. sprawled out like a king on 'his' sheets, legs in the air, rolling back and forth. It may not be his all the time, and hasn't been the case when the baby is lying inside it.. but right then? That's his and forget you for thinking otherwise. They don't bother with the swing, the stroller, the bouncer. And now that the baby routinely is on the changing table, Mikki doesn't try to get up on that soft new bed. It must be tainted.

Expectation: Cats will be a problem in a room she's going to crawl around in.
Step(s) taken: We put up a 42"-tall gate at the bedroom door. We'll get them used to not jumping into bed with us at night.
Reality: We made it approximately 0 nights with the cats kept out of the room. Oh, the gate was useful.. at times. It was nigh comical seeing the cats behind the vertical bars, longing for what was on the other side. We could only be jailers for so long on 2 nights, then said 'forget it' and let them in. We're suckers. But we're good at it! And now... well, the gate came back down. It got used more for containment than prevention.. though temporary jailing was useful at times.


Expectation: Cat hair will get on all of the baby's clothes.
Step(s) taken: ... yeah right, like there's anything we could do to prevent this.
Reality: Extra lint-rollers acquired and we called this a minor victory. They still don't get brushed often enough, but minor victories still count. Right?

Expectation: Cat noises will keep her up or wake her up.
Step(s) taken: Keep the cats fed on the normal schedule and be ready to separate noisy little buggers as they vie for territory, food, or the right to say 'I got more of their attention than you did.. neener!'
Reality: For the most part, it's a moot point. Even if she gets startled by a noise (cat-related or otherwise), the response is very short lived and she settles down somewhere between .2 and 2 seconds. Mostly. Personally, we prefer the low end. Try to contain your shock.

What did we learn?  You can never really prepare for everything.. kind of like being new parents, right?  Especially when it has to do with living beings that have their own personalities and behaviors that aren't entirely predictable.  All in all? We've been pretty lucky and we're good with that.

And we're keeping the gate ready. This time for the baby.. she'll be moving before we know it. 

T&D

The changes you expect, and the ones that blindside you

D here.. and I'll start with something big.

Newsflash: Things change after you have your first child. I'll try not to be quite as shocking from here on out.

Here are the things I knew would be different, be it rationally or stuck somewhere in the back of my head so it wasn't really a surprise:

• Sleep is now a valued commodity that can be traded/sold as T and I sort out who does what. ex: I'll take her now, so you can sleep, and maybe later I can catch a nap while you watch her.. great!
• Unless you're independently wealthy or have everything given to you (and, admittedly, we got some fantastic gifts from friends and family), count on being broke. Even if you budget, you'll realize x,y,z things you need and go "well, damn, broke again. Ok, we'll figure it out." This is just how it is.
• There will be poop. It will get on your things. Plan for that.
• Walking around changes when you're pushing a baby in a stroller. People that had no problem taking up the entire sidewalk now don't want to be the jerk that shoves a carriage.
• Chores are now harder to do. Who knew? There's a reason the ones at home with the baby (mostly women) have been offended in the past when someone says, "well, you were home doing nothing all day, why didn't you get x,y,z done?" That's so outrageously ignorant that it's laughable unless directed at you. Sitting through a feeding with your arm numb and desperate to go to the bathroom.. or going to put her down and listen to the wails of misery until warmth and food returns? I mean, really.. the baby was held in the womb 24 hours a day for months, and now rightly complains that she's 'only' being held for 6-8-10 hours a day. When you just want a break.. and a shower.. and to get the litter box changed. Oof.

We all knew things like this.. right? Right? Maybe?

What I didn't see coming:

• My emotions being twisted around a finger that measure low digits in centimeters. I'm a puddle more often than not, and re-melt with such ease that it's stunning.
• The dramatic shift in people's reaction to you when they see you're not just another random guy walking down the street, you have a baby. Is he more responsible? Is he more interesting? Someone must like him, I wonder why he's good reproductive material? I mean, it's nigh comical how different the attitudes are. (Now, as soon as she's 3+ and at the park.. and I'm just this guy staring at a pretty little toddler that soccer moms have to sort out if I'm really her father? Let's see the reactions then.)
• Just how eager I am to get home and be with my girls (wifey and baby alike). I mean, I already loved my wife, but I can't even factor the appropriate multiplier now regarding how much it means to me to get to them.
• The sheer volume of things that go into having a night out. I mean, I'd known it wouldn't be easy.. but getting just the right number of things in place is rather astounding. Finding a sitter.. that's reliable.. that can handle newborns.. that can be at our place on time.. and can stay as late as we need.. on a weekday night.. that isn't going to use up the entirety of the money set aside to be out in the first place...? And that's just the sitter part of the night's planning? Whew, I'm already tired.
  
• Just how quickly you go through clean clothes.
• Just how quickly your baby goes through owned clothes. She's not even 7 weeks and almost all the newborn stuff is already too small. I feel like she got to wear some things maybe once.. and they were friggin' CUTE on her, too. But.. but.. BUT! Damn.
• How the simplest things to me are a new world of utter fascination to my little princess. A simple little device that plays catchy little sounds paired up with a multi-colored light show with each noise that comes from the device? She's fascinated by it. The delight that is so clearly expressed on her face? Yeah, back to being a puddle. Again. For the 3rd time this morning. I wonder if clothiers make 'puddle-size' attire. I may need to investigate.
• How different people's reactions are to a couple turning into a family. Case in point: some friends of ours have made an effort to find out when we're free to come visit us and meet her. Others seem interested.. but I think they're waiting for us to reach out to them.. perhaps working off of the 'they are probably too busy to get together' idea. Not a bad one, but not entirely spot on. We're just (far) less mobile. Still others.. I don't think being around a baby works for them, and we're now friends from afar.
  (NOTE: Let me be clear that this isn't a slight on ANY of them.. it's just an observation that I didn't exactly see coming and I'm learning to adjust to.)
• How grateful I am that T insisted on having some things already planned for, acquired, built and ready for the baby's arrival. Some things I thought were 'a bit much' and have proven to be hugely helpful. She's (as I expected, really) a wonderful Mommy and, often enough, I'm just trying to emulate her (and my own parents, whom I learned a great, great deal from). I think I'm learning more quickly than I anticipated. Trial-by-fire tends to do that, ready or not.
• Just how much I look forward to sharing things with Lily. I mean, in the back of my head I knew it'd be up to one of us to teach her to ride a bike, etc.. but when T goes "just think, won't be too long before you get to teach her to swim"? Yep, I melted again just now.

These are just the things I can think of right now. This post took me over 2 hours to put together.. in part because of all the pauses I needed to make to tend to my little pumpkin while T got some rest. It's damn near a novel.

Love to my girls!

The Beginning...

          Once upon a time... I woke up in the middle of the night to a fussy baby and had an idea...  now whether an "idea" that comes to you at 4am of a sleepless night should be considered and epiphany or something that should be forgotten like a bad dream, well.. you tell us! Either way, this blog was born.

Now let me play catch-up for a few minutes.  Our journey began when about 10 months ago my not-yet-hubby and I decided to finally grow up and start a family.  Then came 40 full weeks of a growing tummy along with all the beautiful, yucky, ouchy, and wonderful elements that come with it.  Then of course half of the pregnancy was laced with nerve-wrecking wedding-planning months but it all came down to a fantastic night with family and friends.

Now I must say that even before she was born, Lily was already a fantastic and very smart baby (minus the daily bouts of hiccups that totally rendered me incapable to concentrate on anything).  She was due on January 1st and for those of you who are Russian or know anything about Russian culture, know that New Years is a huge holiday for us, much like Christmas to many of you.  So as you can imagine I was not elated with the idea of spending a New Years in the hospital and much less for my little girl to share her special day with a huge holiday like this.  And there I was, telling my little one inside the tummy to wait and skip Christmas and New Years.  I was willing to keep her nice, warm and extra-cozy (due to rapid decrease of space for her to maneuver in) for a few extra days.  

I think that our little girl decided that mommy was right and that she deserves a birth-day of her own, unshared by millions of people celebrating a turn of the year.  On January 4th, at 4:54am Lily decided to greet the world, with the beautiful sounds... of her cries.  She's a wonderful baby girl and we absolutely love her adorable face, lovely smiles, cute "ag-oo" sounds, uncoordinated arm/feet movements and even her banshee-like demands or food/changing/cuddles/food/changing/food/entertainment... well you get the idea.

In conclusion to our introduction of this blog's writers - I am T, a sleep-deprived milk dispenser and D is a sleep-deprived puddle of goo (yes, he melts anytime Lily is being her cute self, which is all the time - so "melted" is his permanent state of being as of January 4th).

So now you are all up to speed with our lives.  We will follow up with thoughts, ideas, observations, senseless babble that our sleep-deprived minds conjure and anything else we feel like posting.   Oh and of course pictures and videos of Lily as she grows.

That's all for now,
-T